This was a big week for me.
We unpacked our final boxes and I got a haircut, damnit. And it looks good. So, I should have been excited, right? But I didn't feel excited, more like scared, no, uneasy.
So, here is the deal. Special K and I just moved back to New York freakin' City, because he finally (yes, finally!!!) got a job!
Hooray!
So after all of that talk at the beginning of the year about making big changes, we made a few. Directly after our trip to Italy, he was offered an interview, and then subsequently a position at an amazing company in Brooklyn, NY. (I just knew Italy would fix all of our problems! God bless wine, cheese, and pasta.)
Anywho, once July hit, shit got real. Boo moved to New York and lived with a friend for a month, while I finished up my job. It was an emotional departure for me. Even though my work-life balance was waaay off, I still loved my job and all of the friends I made there. It was tough to say goodbye. And, it was extremely difficult for me to leave Pittsburgh. The city that I had grown to love, and thought we were going to settle down in.
With that being said, I refused to think negatively about our move back to New York. This is our new (old) city to settle into, and where we will (hopefully) be starting a family.
So I forged ahead, got a new job and some new digs, and didn't think twice about it.
But, now I'm here. The dust has settled. And I don't have anything to distract from the fact that I just uprooted my perfectly lovely life in da 'Burgh and am now a New Yorker.
So what does any of this have to do with a haircut?
I hadn't gotten my hair cut in well over a year. I reached a certain point, and decided I wasn't chopping off my locks until my man got a job. I refused to rock our tight budget on a hair cut. Plus, it was fun to hold out for this massive feat.
So, now that we are both working (I start my job in a few weeks) and are back to a dual income household, I decided to celebrate by getting a haircut. So, I scheduled an appointment at some super funky salon in Williamsburg, and got a totally awesome cut that I could finally afford. I should be excited! My hair looked great. It should feel like a freakn' rite of passage.
But instead, I was met with feelings of uneasiness. And in fact, I didn't feel excited at all.
And that is when it hit me... Shit. We are in New York.
The city that kicked my ass before. The city that never sleeps (i.e. never shuts up). The city that is farther away from family. The city that has the high highs, but oh man, does it have the low lows. The city that will beat you down, if you show any signs of weakness. The city with no trees, honking horns, and several levels of chaos. The city that just makes everything well harder.
And I just want wanted to run back to Pittsburgh.
I could deal without haircuts. At least life was easy there, comfortable. Pittsburgh is the kind of city that just smiles and waves at you, and tells ya how nice you like while it unfolds a hammock for you to lie in.
I'm not going to lie. I freaked for probably the next two days about this. But then I saw how happy my husband is, and how his old self comes back a little bit everyday. In Pittsburgh, he was withering away. I don't blame him. I would've fared much worse in his situation. But here, I see him pushing himself. Eating better. Exercising. Smiling more.
And I like it.
And then I remembered what I wrote about at the beginning of the year. Leaving my comfort zone behind and pushing myself through the tough stuff, so that I could continue to grow and challenge myself. And, I know that I can do this. I can do more than just live here, I can make a life here.
New York, I will not run from you. I will not be afraid. I will face you, and find my inner happy self waiting for whatever adventure you throw my way.
So, get a haircut folks. You never know what it might spark within you.