Well, kids, it's almost the end of another year.
This means I have officially burnt out on Christmas and also overdosed on sugar/cookies. And, it's also a time to reflect upon another year gone by.
How do I rate this year? Let's summarize and then categorize, shall we?
The Blur of 2013
2013 was a year full of craziness packed into very short bursts with several lulls. It was a year of settling into Pittsburgh, and wondering if this is where we will indeed settle.
A year of learning to budget, use the oven more, and eat out less. It was year of weddings, traveling to (a lot) of weddings, and then running off to Europe for two weeks.
It was a year of more work stress and hours than I ever imagined, but also falling in love with my job and co-workers. It was a year of complete work-life imbalances for me and my hubby.
And, well, as our first year of marriage, it was a tough one.
Things I loved:
- Riding my bike to work (so simple, but so wonderful)
- Going for walks & talks with my guy in the city parks
- Adventuring to Europe and exposing myself to other cultures
- Making such awesome relationships with my co-workers (friends!)
Things I learned:
- We can make a budget, and stick to it
- How badly we needed a budget
- I don't like being on a (tight) budget
- Work life balance is incredibly important for sanity and relationships
- Exercise makes me happy
- Marriages are fun, but also hard work, and require compromise and patience to be successful
- Being adventurous is essential to my core happiness
Things I didn't love:
- I hated being on such a tight budget, haaaated it. I was constantly worried about bills this year
- Not exercsing regularly, because I worked 50-55 hours per week and was typically exhausted on a regular basis
- The hubs being out of work for a lot of the year. I'm surprised by how much this bothered me, but it drove me crazy that he was at home, learning and soul searching. (Poor guy, I'm so impatient)
- Not going on more vacations and scheduling more play dates
- Feeling uneasy about my future (not a fan of that in limbo feeling, though I used to love it in my 20's)
Oh, Mediocore 2013
Of course I love my life. And my husband, cats, job, and well, all of that stuff. But when I look back on 2013, I just wasn't in love with it.
And maybe that is terrible to admit, but c'mon each year of your life cannot be the BEST year. You have to have some lows, to set you up for those highs.
My main squeeze and I argued, delved into many long discussions, and had more qualms with each other this year than any other year (combined). It was a tough one, kids. Not in the sense that were thinking on splitting or any craziness like that.
I think it boiled down to the fact that we were now married (that legal agreement really does change things), settling into our city, and had expectations of where we saw our lives and careers going and those expectations weren't meeting up with reality.
That being said, I think it was an incredibly important building year for our future, marriage, and careers.
When we left New York, we had big plans. I was going to have this wonderful 40 hr/week job as advertised. He was going to do freelance, or maybe start a business, so that his schedule could open for someday (possibly) being a stay-at-home dad. We were going to spend our evenings hanging out, meeting up with friends, and being active in all of this green space we were missing out on before. Oooh, and maybe we'd buy one of those amazing houses in our lovely East End neighborhood.
So long to the chaos of New York!
In reality, I work a shit ton, and often just come home late at night and chill out with TV/internet, because I'm exhausted. And well, his career is still a work in process, which is incredibly frustrating for the both of us. And yeah, those lovely houses in our nabe are WAY out of our budget.
Reflections
In the last month or so of 2013, I've started to more fully realize some things which I have already been gabbing about on here (in a less abstract sort of way). Life is short, sweet, and fast, and you gotta act on your goals/dreams/ambitions, because life ain't gonna wait around for you.
And, expectations are just that: expectations. Per my quick google search an expectation is defined as "a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future."
Why even bother with that expectation junk?
Life changes. All. Of. The. Time.
So, why push so hard for things to go a certain way based on expectations that were made two years ago in a completely different city at an entirely different time in my relationship?! And then actually be disappointed or upset when those expectations don't come to fruition.
That is just silly.
My Big Plans for 2014
So yeah, I'm making a list of resolutions for 2014, as we all do. And I've actually already started to work on them.
I have recommitted myself to diet and exercise, and have been focusing on cutting back on my hours at work. And I'm generating a list of ideas for trips and mini vacays for me and lover boy to go on. Oh, and I've way chillaxed on the bills/budget scenario.
It's a start. But that's not all of it.
My major goal for 2014 is to change my perspective.
A perspective is nothing more than a point of view, which thankfully, is easily alterable. As my perspective shifts, so will my goals, which in turn will give me more fluid expectations on whatever that may be: future plans, career, kids, city, etc.
I was so stuck on the notion that the hubby and I should settle down here, pop out some kids, buy a home, and make our careers work. In Pittsburgh.
So, instead of trying so hard to make things work. I'm going for a new approach. Maybe it means a new city. New jobs for both of us. Or a career change for some of us. And no house for now (no biggie, we're pathetic at house maintenance anyway). And well, kids are just going to have a to wait a bit longer, because now is just not the right time. And that is okay.
Aahhhhh. I feel better already. I wish you all the best in 2014!